I’ve been away from Televisionisgoodforyou, and oh my goodness, there is so much to talk about. Here is a quick run down of things that deserve some mention, even if they are no longer memorable or important because they happenened somewhere in the eons of last week:
1.) Ohmydear! Reality finales have become (or maybe always were) the most depressing things ever. If you saw the sad end of VH1’s A List/B List Celebreality show–I can never remember it’s name–you know what I am talking about. I love Kathy Griffin, I don’t have anything against her, but why was she the hands down judge to decide who wins? The contestants have been part of this wonky performance based elimination thing for show after show, and then it all ends on who Kathy thinks, after a brief interview/danceoff, should win? Maybe this was a wink at how any A-list celebrity is all a big nonsense lottery affair anyways, but what is looked like more was that the producer’s got tired, or Robin Leech got tired, and they threw it to Kathy. Hmm, maybe Kathy could get a new career as a Cleaner, a la’ Harvery Keitel, for botched reality TV shows…
So Tracey Bingham won (I still don’t really know who she is), and Ron Jeremy had the double lose of finding out that he hadn’t won by expectantly walking down a dark hallway (that was very short, making it more sad), and having cameras on him as he comprehends that this brick wall is not what was behind the winning door. Bingham (Bonham, whatevs) on the the other hand, squeals and gets her big cardboard check, reminding us all that nothing about this show matters. Nothing at all.
2.) Lost–One question Lost producers: Do people still care about diamonds? With the two characters going all villainesque in this episode over a pouch of stolen diamonds, I thought I was boomeranged back to an old episode of Murder She Wrote. I have my fingers crossed that Paulo and Nikki are some gesture towards meta television, because even their names and looks are as plasticky as their lame diamond plot motivation.
3.) Ninja Warrior–Just glad it’s off reruns. G4, I never knew I’d like a geek like you.
4.) The Riches–The third episode of this show was its weakest so far, but Minnie Driver still knocked it out of the park. I hope the writers are able to fix misses like Izzard’s floundering rock speech (that was a missed opportunity), and avoid too much melodrama with the elder son’s girlfriend and that bright yellow car.
5.) I can’t believe that CMT is suffering through another Coyote Ugly Search. Reality TV has gotten cheap. Remember when contestant were in the running for a million dollars, or a dream job. Now its $50 grand, and a job as a bartender at a mediocre theme bar. Boo. Is this show supposed to be relevant because it had a crappy movie made in it’s honor? Double boo.
6.) America’s Next Top Model: The one from Hawaii got all kinds of attention at the beginning because she had a husband and babe at home–in fact I believe she was doing ANTM for her baby (she could also go to college, or become a taxidermist for her baby, but this is how she is sacrificing, blah blah blah), but the Russian mail order bride has a surprise baby that is revealed in a phonecall (an icky phonecall, no less), with Russian mail orderer husband. Nobody talks about it, nobody cares, except one of the girls in the house proves they’re all a little daft when, four episodes in, she asks “do you think she is, like, you know, a mail order bride?” “I thought maybe,” says another girl. At Tyra knew what was what, and made some jokes about postage early on.
7. ANTM: Tyra must stop wearing those headbands. Why does she insist on a headband every week? They aren’t the cute ones that are popular and flooding Target right now. They are over-the-top headbands, that would look better in the water color illustration outfits that are made for paper dolls, maybe in a “Paperdolls of the 70’s” book. On Tyra, they just look wrong wrong wrong.
