Another weeklong lapse in my posting–mostly because wordpress had the nerve to erase my platinum/titanium (valuable and strong!) thoughts before they could be posted. Now you get the joy of the expanded and rehashed version.
Because I can’t get over it, we have to talk about the amazingness of last night’s ANTM, where somehow the editors of the show decided to keep in the footage of Tyra embarressedly and desperately holding her hand over head when her scarf fell off (she was also in the middle of removing a kangaroo suit fuzzy head, which is ripe for another discussion of how lame that “we’re going to Australia (scream scream scream) segment of the show was. It looked like they filmed it a producer’s cubicle next to the water cooler).
It has been bothering me that Tyra has been wearing such horrible head scarves lately, looking a little too much like a Bratz doll, cheap polyester accessories included. And, then, her panic at having her roots show, it was all too much. Everybody else in the world probably already knows this, but it was news to me, and an answer for the hairhiding: Tyra wears a wig. Tyra wears very expensive wigs. I also very much appreciated how, in order to make up for her wierdness with the kangaroo shoot (really, why couldn’t they just reshoot that or edit her our, reality shmeality), she went sans headband for the elimination segment of the show. She appeared in overlong blonde locks with a severe middle part. I have to say, I didn’t know that wigs could fake hair parts and roots. I’m impressed. I wish she would do a show all about her wigs. If she wants to be so real, then show us what’s under there.
Another thing, I am sick and tired of all the hoohaa about Tyra being fat. She isn’t fat. She still looks completely in proportion, she has no unsightly rolls, and she can wear a bathing suit without having any bulges or cellulite. At the most she is simply not a model size 0,2, whatevs, anymore. She might be a whopping 10 now (which is probably a 6 in mall sizes). Stop picking on her, she’s a lot of things, but I’m worn out with the fuss about this one.
Next up, all the talented ladies on the CW are secret teenage mamas. Remember in the fifties when it was the height of shame to be a teenager preggeroo? Or how beauty contestants have to drop out if preggo (like a current Ms. something somewhere), or hide their babies (I think I saw that in a Minnie Driver movie…). Apparently, having a baby in your early years actually helps in the new talent competitions. Not only do a whopping 3 of the girls on ANTM have babies at home (and Dionne has a toddler, a real toddler!), but also one of the frontrunners on the Next Pussycat doll “Robin Antin is a man” show, Asia, has a baby. The girl’s 18. So, if you have a baby as a teenager you are: model pretty, sexy, a decent singer, and pure gold (so shiny) to reality shows. You have built in melodrama. Caridee’s psoriasis can’t hold a melodramatic boohoo to missing your baby! Or better yet, being on the show “all for your baby.” There are a lot of things you can do to get ahead and make a better life for your spawn, ladies. You can go to law school, you can enroll in refrigeration repair, you can work at Blockbuster. Or, you can go on TV and swear its all for the baby. You would think that pregnancy would be the unmodel maker, but apparently not.
Also, did anyone notice, mostly last week, how creepy it was that all the girls missed their babies terribly, and on cue? It was an epidemic of teenage mamas all of a sudden concerned about the welfare of the kids they left in order to go and scream about TyraMail.
